in waiting… on waiting…

WAIT!

Ok ready go…

I am sitting at StarBuck’s in Kuwait just biding my time.
I have been tired lately. Tired of waiting most of all. I “was” really excited about going home, starting my business, all the planning involved with that, Uploading videos, and Daydreaming about my life, my future, and my potential. But, for the past few days I have simply been to drained to care. Demotivated and complacent. I have become satisfied so to speak in the here and now; Which, one would think would be a good thing. But, I feel my dreams slipping away from me and I fear the same thing happening when I get home. Part of me wants to move out to California or New York Just to be able to start fresh and not lose sight within the busy-ness of life. But, on second thought I love my home, and my family, and my friends; And, would be torn to leave them.

I am listening to; What I could safely say is, “my favorite song”, on repeat. It is so emotional. Its one of those few songs that makes your insides want to come out. It makes me want to jump, and scream, and cry. It makes me feel alive and alone but hopeful somehow. This song is… and that’s all I can say about it. If you haven’t heard it you *NEED* to experience it for yourself. Skinny Love by Bon Iver!!! AMAZING…

What else to say… this song is actually re-motivating me… or perhaps its the coffee I’m not sure. Its Prolly all combined. My mind has begun to reel.

I got some shirt samples back home for the business that I can’t see yet. I got Silicone Bracelets that I plan to sell on the Web-Site. And I want to do some drawings and giveaways. I want to do the newsletter for the WRP. I want to get into production and I have tons of ideas for sales. I want to get a booth at the Local Annual Home and Garden show again. I want to start an “Independent Sales Rep Program” for the business and print Catalogs. I want to finish the redesign of the jnspire.NET website. I want to finish my novel. I have so much on my plate and non of the things to do it with. I am excited again hahah… that was quick! I hope it doesn’t fade away just as fast. In about two weeks I will be back to MY life! I hope its better (than before).

I want and need love. I am so alone. I want to share myself and have someone share themselves with me. Not just sex but so much more. I feel empty even though I am full of dreams and Ideas. I need to find someone who is going the same place as I am. So that, I don’t feel held back and don’t feel like I am holding them back either. Maybe, its futile and perhaps I will die alone (my greatest fear). Sigh, I am hopeful but weary. You don’t need to console me, I don’t want it. I just need to express myself somehow and this is how I do it. I am fine. The Army simply leaves me little room for self expression.

Well, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for a very excited and passionate rebound in a week or two!

With love from me to you, Jer.

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