Neo-Change

I am sitting on my new bed (very comfy) with my friend Jack (and coke), and am thinking about the past and the future. Alot has happened over the course of the last two years… Iraq, lost loves, friends becoming distant, new friends becoming part of my life, business failures, new business opportunities…

Awhile ago, I was researching information on lotions, soaps, balms, and salves for my new business and chanced upon “not martha“. Not martha is a blog, that happened to have some DIY info. in one of her posts, about lip-balm (which was not exactly what I was looking for since I am looking to craft products on a professional level). But, it intrigued me enough to take a little look around. She is from Seattle and happens to mention that she lives with “Scott“.

Now, scott has an awesome blog and this inspired me! I want to have everything all on one site like he does… So, alas (the point of this rabit trail comes into view), I am planning to leave WordPress and start posting all of my blogs on the main page of my web-site @ jnspire.NET.

(BTW=Check out scotts music at the top of his blog page. There is a play bar and a TON of awesome songs… He is a great musician and I admire his talent very much).

Since I am at shoutouts I guess I’ll point you toward MalindaLou’s Blog as well… She is offering free writing assistance and training to bloggers and those who wish to become involved in freelance writing and marketing via social networking online!

I am not exactly sure when I will have the web-site fully operational or whether it will be wordpress infused or not… but stay tuned!

I watched “Uggly Betty” today… I dont know why you need to know that! (but, normally I never watch TV. Occasionally though I get hooked on a series and watch it on video.)

About business: I Have ordered some lip balm containers, which I think is very cool! And A proffesional grade label printer valued at over two thousand bucks which will allow me to also offer label printing services (keep your eyes peeled for that).

Also, I am in the market for screen printing equipment and have been pricing out what I need to start up my own shirt line!

So, as you can tell I have been busy lately which should explain why I havent been around as much online as of late… Hope to be back full scale soon!

introspective

Tonight I received a response to a comment on a status about myself and this blog is not intended to be an argument to that; but rather, an unbiased introspective analysis.

I said “Would you expect anything less than originality from me?”. The interpretation taken was that I think that I am different from other people and consider myself very different from those around me. The response was from someone who knows me well and for awhile (pondering the comment) it bothered me and I found it depressing. At times, I think this is true even though in my head I know that it is not.

I don’t intend to separate myself from others. In reality I attempt to bridge gaps that I find with others. I want to connect with people on an intimate level (but on my own terms). I want to be original and do things that others are not doing. I want to be a success. And I think (naturally) that all of these things are what everyone wants in life. To be remembered for something after they have gone. To leave a footprint in the annals of history.

A friend once told me that the average person is forgotten within three generations. And though I know it is unlikely that I will stand out that vividly in the memory of anyone in that near future, I still attempt to make a mark. I try to create bonds with each person that I come in contact with and leave people feeling special. Often I fail at this due to a collision of my personal desires for my self coming into opposition with my desires for other people. In the end I feel I must do what is right for me. and that has the tendency of giving people a view of me that I am selfish.

I am selfish. As I think to some degree all people are and should be. Simply, to be healthy and to be human. I am not looking to make myself so different that I cannot connect with others. I wish to be just different enough that I can move forward and take others along for the ride.

I really don’t see myself as that original, I am the same as everyone else and have the same desires. A part of me wants to stand out amongst the rest. At the same time, I don’t really want to be “famous”. I don’t even like the idea.

I get dressed, I eat, I facebook, I blog, I shit, I sleep, I dream, I wonder, I laugh, I cry, and I FEEL as all people do. I am the same. and I know this and am not bothered by it. I, just like EVERYONE else, need NO reminder of my humanity! At times, I think it is this realization of how un-special I am that makes me different. Other times, I realize how everyone has that feeling some of the time.

In the end I think that we need each-other. That, we make each-other stronger and better.

In the same breath, like everyone else I don’t want to be judged for a silly comment about myself that I made on facebook. Especially when, the comment was a response I made to a comment on a comment about something that they differentiated me from other people in. Is there something wrong with agreeing with you? (rhetorical).

I just want life to go on and not have to defend myself for stupid things or waste my life away thinking how I should be to please other people. In all honesty (for the most part) What other people think of me doesn’t affect me.

Again, I am still human and, like everyone else… YES, I have insecurities and do asses how I can better approach people to get positive responses and think about how people see me. But, is that such a bad thing? (again rhetorical).

I feel different and separated from others in that, I want and need intimate connections that I feel I may never have. Because in all honesty I am (generally), attracted to those I can never be with and attract those I don’t think I could spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want a fling.

What I want is to be so madly in love with someone that all that matters to me is them. But, to matter so much to them that they want me to fulfill my dreams. I want someone that believes in me more than I do myself. I haven’t found that yet in a person that I think I could be with (or I have; but, again they cant be with me). So, I feel alone often. But I don’t feel so alone as I once did. and I don’t allow it to keep me from being involved with people (as I once did).

I am ever growing, ever improving, and ever adapting. Just like the rest of humanity… and that makes me glad!

Its late, I’m tired, and am pretty sure I’m just ranting.

YouTUbe Is JACKED!?!?!?!

For some reason youtube keeps messing something up… first my video/audio was not synced so I tried to record directly on the youtube site and they decide that it is only neccesary to post one third of my video… Grrrr… WHY ME???? (unhappy).

So im in America

Here I am sitting in Fort Lewis Washington. My days are pretty lame and fun packed with things like weapon and army equipment turn in, hearing tests, medical evaluations, and the discovery that I might be psychotic! (jk) Whew!

I have been getting back into posting videos and all the online things I love. Twitter, facebook, youtube, blip, etc, etc, etc…. (continues to the fifth power multiplied by the square root of pi).

Ummm… nothing much is new really… busy waiting again. (refer to last post).

This one will be short. We’ll chat again soon!

in waiting… on waiting…

WAIT!

Ok ready go…

I am sitting at StarBuck’s in Kuwait just biding my time.
I have been tired lately. Tired of waiting most of all. I “was” really excited about going home, starting my business, all the planning involved with that, Uploading videos, and Daydreaming about my life, my future, and my potential. But, for the past few days I have simply been to drained to care. Demotivated and complacent. I have become satisfied so to speak in the here and now; Which, one would think would be a good thing. But, I feel my dreams slipping away from me and I fear the same thing happening when I get home. Part of me wants to move out to California or New York Just to be able to start fresh and not lose sight within the busy-ness of life. But, on second thought I love my home, and my family, and my friends; And, would be torn to leave them.

I am listening to; What I could safely say is, “my favorite song”, on repeat. It is so emotional. Its one of those few songs that makes your insides want to come out. It makes me want to jump, and scream, and cry. It makes me feel alive and alone but hopeful somehow. This song is… and that’s all I can say about it. If you haven’t heard it you *NEED* to experience it for yourself. Skinny Love by Bon Iver!!! AMAZING…

What else to say… this song is actually re-motivating me… or perhaps its the coffee I’m not sure. Its Prolly all combined. My mind has begun to reel.

I got some shirt samples back home for the business that I can’t see yet. I got Silicone Bracelets that I plan to sell on the Web-Site. And I want to do some drawings and giveaways. I want to do the newsletter for the WRP. I want to get into production and I have tons of ideas for sales. I want to get a booth at the Local Annual Home and Garden show again. I want to start an “Independent Sales Rep Program” for the business and print Catalogs. I want to finish the redesign of the jnspire.NET website. I want to finish my novel. I have so much on my plate and non of the things to do it with. I am excited again hahah… that was quick! I hope it doesn’t fade away just as fast. In about two weeks I will be back to MY life! I hope its better (than before).

I want and need love. I am so alone. I want to share myself and have someone share themselves with me. Not just sex but so much more. I feel empty even though I am full of dreams and Ideas. I need to find someone who is going the same place as I am. So that, I don’t feel held back and don’t feel like I am holding them back either. Maybe, its futile and perhaps I will die alone (my greatest fear). Sigh, I am hopeful but weary. You don’t need to console me, I don’t want it. I just need to express myself somehow and this is how I do it. I am fine. The Army simply leaves me little room for self expression.

Well, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for a very excited and passionate rebound in a week or two!

With love from me to you, Jer.

This is the first in a series of photographs I am working on; which, depict items fitting in situations seemingly out of place.

I love this concept and find it beautiful in its own way. I cannot describe it other than by showing the picture itself. I hope you enjoy it and see within the same essence that I do.

Awakening…

I’m waking up and beginning to see light at the end of a long tunnel. I am In fact seeing my life as a tunnel, realizing that I have the power of choice. I can choose my destiny and reality. And may choose to live for whatever I wish. I have known this all along; But, for the past four years or so I have gotten caught up in the stepping stones leading to where I want to be.

I have been actively pursuing things all along. Sadly, in the midst of leaping through hoops I had lost sight somewhat of where I was going. Now that I am nearing the level ground again I am excited about the path which lay before me.

This year has been interesting to say the least. But, it has done for me what it would not have otherwise (had I stayed home). I am out of Twelve Thousand dollars worth of debt. Which, in and of itself is a great burden off of me. I am more mature, a bit more experienced, and have yet another story to tell of my adventures. Another notch in the post if you will.

I look forward with anticipation and want to leave this as a reminder to myself when I get down. That when it gets bad, “The things which I have overcome are greater, I am a conqueror!”.

Smoking does NOT kill!

As a precursor, I do NOT promote, advocate, or encourage smoking.

But, I have been thinking lately of the logic in the statement “smoking kills!”. I think to myself “No it doesn’t”. What, if you don’t smoke you’re gonna’ live forever? I think not.

Everyone dies and there is no way to evade that. Furthermore, there is no way to even tell if smoking shortens a lifespan; because, everyone is different. Unless you know in advance the moment a person will die, there is not enough information to calculate whether smoking has an effect on life span.

I am gonna call it out as total BS and political propaganda~

I mean it’s fine, I don’t really think that smoking is necessarily good for you and yes it probably has negative health effects. But then again, there are things it could be good for too. Medical drugs can do the same things. So, I am just not going to be on anyone’s bandwagon with this one.

I’ll continue to make my decisions based on my experience not on what government/medical propaganda has to say. Because in this same light we could say that Government kills!

The un-Status Quo!

Who wants to hear about what’s already on everybody’s mind?

So, with that in mind I figured that this was as good of a time as any for an update. I am still in Iraq but am on the downhill slope towards going home, and counting. I am very ready to be back and am so excited about all of the things that I have going for me.

In the end it has been worth it for me. It is not in that, it is a war. But I volunteered for this with some selfish motivations in mind.

I cannot wait to get back to youtube and begin posting again. I am planning several business ideas. The world keeps spinning and while I remain in a world of sand, there isn’t much special happening. Our most celebrated holiday in the United States bears little precedence here. I suspect the next day and a half will go by without consequence.

I miss my family and friends more than expected. In fact originally, I decided to come here as a refuge, a form of escape. Things at the time were going badly and I needed a step up in life. I had been rejected after falling in love and everything seemed to be falling apart. Even though I had everything I needed I was empty. But, I have contemplated it much and realize that true love can let go but it never stops loving, no matter how bad it hurts. Love will remain.
I am OK with this, I guess… what else can I do?

I now look forward to my future and all the things that I have going ahead of me and refrain from dwindling in the past. I need to set myself free for new things. So, I aspire to inspire and to live my life without regret.

Scotland Frees (suspected) Lockerbie Bomber…

I am proud of Scotland’s courts and their maturity. I am disappointed in America and our childishness. Reading this article Reminded me of the film “Bowling for Columbine”, and our quest to discover why America is so murderous. We are unforgiving and begrudging. I HATE IT! Why is it so hard to forgive? Why cant people just let these things go? Punishing someone for their wrongdoing won’t bring back our loved ones? So, why make someone Else’s loved ones suffer the loss of their son, father, husband, brother, or friend? When we imprison a man he is NOT the only one to suffer.

Furthermore, there is no possible way to accurately determine that someone is guilty! When a judge declares “Guilty!” all that means is that a judge declared a person guilty. It is stupid to think that if I were in a position of power I could make you guilty of something you had not done. Does that mean the declaration actually makes you guilty of the crime? “Hell No”! Just because I say your guilty doesn’t mean that you did it anymore than, me saying you didn’t changes the fact that you could have committed the crime!

People need to realize that there is more going on in the world than the little picture they let themselves see. Where is the compassion? Imagine if it was your family member, your own flesh and blood “suspected” of said crime. Imagine they were dying from terminal illness, you would want them to come home. Americans seem terrible at putting themselves in another persons shoes. Guess what? People feel remorse! People CAN and DO change! It Happens! Have you never regretted something you’ve done?

How can we expect someone to be kind and merciful yet not treat someone with that same respect? Forgiving hurts, Really bad. America Likes everything the easy way. Which is why we have so much shit. We don’t want to work hard to create anything, we want it fast and cheap. Which is why nearly everything we have (that is less than twenty years old) is garbage.

America you can keep your garbage products from wal-m*rt and your fatty McDon*ld’s I would rather live in Scotland!

But, instead I am going to forgive you and practice what I preach. Hard as that may be. Come on you are so much better than this! I believe in you…

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